


the second hand comes around again

by iwantthemtostay



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, comeback era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:56:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22058638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwantthemtostay/pseuds/iwantthemtostay
Summary: Two New Year's Eves in Ilderton, ten years apart.
Relationships: Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Comments: 54
Kudos: 195





	the second hand comes around again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [carmen_sandiego](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmen_sandiego/gifts).

> This is a very belated birthday gift for carmen_sandiego. Thank you for your friendship and all your encouragement and for being so patient and letting me play around with your prompt, I hope this is an enjoyable late gift!
> 
> Thank you to peacefulboo for helping me see I could combine my birthday gift prompt plans with an idea for an NYE fic I had last year and didn't get around to writing, and for betaing. Thank you to only_because3 for reading this just about every day for the past month even when it was just a few extra words, and for putting up with me always. Thank you to everyone who helped educate me about at what level of snow do people who are used to snow not drive in snow. Thank you to EastFromEden for the greatest champagne support a girl could dream of receiving. And thank you to everyone who has read and commented on my stories these past few years both here and back on LJ, I haven't written canon in quite some time and it feels sort of fitting to come back to the same sort of place I started back when I first wrote fanfic here at the end of the decade. 
> 
> Title from "A Year Ago" by Birds of Bellwoods.

** _31st of December, 2015_ **

Tessa sets off to Ilderton at nine pm with an overnight bag in the trunk and a bottle of champagne and some chocolates on her backseat. She loves her family, but when Scott had told her she should stay at his rather than drive or get a taxi back after the housewarming/New Year’s party she’d jumped at the chance. Spending more time with her mom and her siblings was great at first, but the twelve days of Christmas have turned into twelve days of conversations about why the comeback was a terrible idea. 

She gets where they’re coming from, of course she does. They don’t want to see her hurt again, and none of them quite know the extent of how painful it can be to push yourself and your sport to the absolute limits when second place seems like a ceiling imposed from on high. No one knows what that’s really like other than Scott. And they’re willing to risk it again. Tessa doesn’t want to wonder, ten, twenty years from now what would have happened if they’d tried. She wants to put it all out there again and see what happens. She wants to push herself to be the best she can be - the best dancer, the best athlete, the best partner. She wants to train in Canada, with coaches she fully trusts. There are things she’s going to miss out on and put off - time with family and friends, finishing that pesky undergrad - but there’s so much to gain too. From the obvious things to the intangibles - the feeling in her blood and under her skin at competitions, early mornings and late nights on the ice when it’s just her and Scott, his steady gaze and steady hands.

Thinking about the comeback (which is absolutely what it is, even if Scott has started religiously quoting LL Cool J whenever the word comes up) distracts her from the slight nerves that always develop when she goes to a party in Ilderton. It takes her back to being younger and less cool than everyone else and feeling like a spare part who’d been taken pity on. Now, she thinks that there probably hadn’t been much if any pity involved, but that’s the wisdom and joy of not being seventeen any longer. 

There’s already a bunch of cars parked on the laneway up to Scott’s house, a lot she recognises, some she doesn’t. She manages to fit in a little spot right beside his driveway. It’s cold, and she doesn’t want to walk for long in her jacket and boots that were chosen for style over warmth and comfort. 

The house is a little overwhelming once she gets inside, filled with more people than she’d expected, and, if her conversation with Scott earlier today was anything to go by, more than he’d invited. She relaxes once she hears him call her name, more so when he puts his arms around her and lifts her up, his breath warm and merry against her ear. 

“Hey, T. I’ve been waiting for you.” He sets her down carefully and steps back. “Do you want to leave your stuff in the spare room?”

“Please.” She holds out the bottle of Roederer Cristal she’d spent much too long selecting. “This needs to go in the fridge though.” 

He holds the box out in front of him, turning it back and forth so that the Christmas lights reflect off the gold box. “Damn, Tess, this is a fancy wine.” His admiring tone confirms her belief that he’d appreciate her choice.

She shrugs, like it’s not that big a deal. “It’s your first house.” And it’s them skating together again, them against the world.

“We’ll drink it a midnight, you and me,” he promises. “I think we might even have a bucket of ice for it. But first, you can have the full tour again.” She already had one two weeks ago and she doesn’t think many adjustments have been made. His body looks like he’s about to go but he hasn’t yet, almost like he’s been paused. He turns back to face her fully again, shuffling a little on the spot. “It does feel a little silly having all these people over to a place I’m not going to be living in permanently once we move.”

“I get it.” She’s felt a little funny in her own house since they’ve made that decision. “But the move is a good thing, right?” Tessa knows his family have been cautious about their choice too, she hopes it hasn’t caused him to waver. If he doesn’t believe she doesn’t know how she’ll be able to. 

“A great thing,” he says firmly, nodding and then finally setting off. He holds his hand back behind him and she takes it and follows. 

** _31st of December, 2025_ **

Tessa sets off to Ilderton at nine am with an overnight bag in the trunk and her daughter in the backseat. Before taking off she checks again that Rhiannon is ready to go, smiling at her through the centre mirror that's reflected in the oval one in front of the rear-facing car seat. 

“We’re going to visit Mama’s friend Scott now. And meet his new puppy!” Rhiannon kicks her legs but Tessa can't tell if this is in response or just because she doesn't like being buckled up. The journey to Ilderton should be okay but Tessa is dreading the subsequent trip to the lake unless Rhiannon falls asleep. She probably will, but she likes to surprise people. She has from the very beginning.

Tessa had been planning to meet up with Scott a lot more over the holidays, at least once to visit with Rhiannon at his house, maybe once or twice with Alma too and another just the two of them to talk about their upcoming commentary gigs at Nationals in Winnipeg and then the Olympics in Milan. Then Scott and more or less the entire Moir clan had been struck down with norovirus and all plans had been most unceremoniously dropped. Nothing sounded worse to Tessa than spending Christmas throwing up while trying to clean up Rhiannon’s vomit too. Tessa hates when her daughter is sick, which thankfully hasn’t happened all that often over the first fifteen months. Before coming over today she’d enquired about just how thoroughly Scott had cleaned all the hard surfaces in his house. He’d laughed over the phone but then he’d sent her photos of the cleaning products he’d used, along with a promise that he’d followed the instructions exactly. A joke that she might need to worry more about fumes from the bleach had come along later, which Tessa had laughed at but still googled (she’s calmer than she was during the first few months, but she knows she still has what her mom calls ‘first time jitters’).

She spends the car ride chatting to Rhiannon and singing along with the incredibly irritating nursery rhyme playlist that her daughter seems to love. “Old Mother Hubbard” does not need a dance beat. 

Tessa feels a little guilty for not having visited Scott earlier during the holidays, but she couldn’t take any risks. It would have been easier to discuss their commentary work without Rhiannon exploring, but Scott has insisted he was fine with her being there. He’s been so good with her each time they’ve met, always excited to see her even though Tessa thinks it must have been at least a little hard for him. He and Lisa had been trying for so long and Tessa hadn’t had to try at all.

Rhiannon starts fussing just as Tessa turns into the lane leading up to Scott’s house, which isn’t bad going. “We’re almost there, honey. You’ll be out of that carseat soon.” Tessa knows her daughter can’t roll her eyes yet, but she swears she can feel her do it. The fussing only gets louder when she parks, like Rhiannon wants to be out of the car _ now_.

After making short work of the buckles (something that has taken a lot of practice), Tessa is trying to get Rhiannon back into her coat when Scott joins her at the car. “Hey,” he says, voice so much clearer than it had been a few days ago. “Is there anything you want me to carry?” 

She has a sudden strong impulse to lean her head against his arm, but that seems terribly needy. “Rhiannon’s bag please? And the gifts for you and your family, they’re on the other side of the car.” He goes around straight away. “Thank you!” 

Once they’re in the door, Rhiannon now quiet because she’s cuddling with her mama, Tessa thanks him again. “Thank you for letting me bring her along. I know you wanted to see her over the holidays but we’ll be talking about work stuff and…” She hugs him one-sided, lets herself relish it as much as she can. The colour is back in his face and he looks so much better, so much more himself, than he had when they’d chatted on FaceTime last week. 

Scott cuts her off gently. “Tess, you know I’m way more excited to get to catch up with her than you.”

Even though he winks at her she thinks he's only partly joking. “That's fair.” Rhiannon seems happy to see Scott too, she's still got her head tucked in against Tessa's neck but she's reaching her hand out to wave at him. 

He waves back, opening and closing his hand just like her baby is doing. “Hi Miss Rhiannon, welcome to my house.” Tessa wonders whether he's saying that for the sake of simplicity or if he's decided to move back more permanently. Scott raises his gaze to meet hers, saying quietly, “Will I introduce her to my new friend, or…” 

“Please do. She's a fan of big ones so a little one should be fine.” Rhiannon loves Jordan's golden Labrador, Jessie. Tessa thinks she'd happily sleep in her basket with her if she was allowed. Scott grins and leaves for the kitchen while Tessa makes her way towards the living room.

“Scott is going to show us his new puppy,” she tells Rhiannon, who immediately sits up straight in her arms, her head starting to look around, not unlike a meerkat. She jiggles her a little, getting a big smile in return. “Won't that be fun?” 

Scott comes in, the smallest and sweetest little basset hound Tessa has ever seen wrapped in a blanket in his arms. “This is Fox,” he says, rubbing the dog’s head. 

Before Tessa can enquire more about his naming choice, Rhiannon takes a deep breath and says, “Pup-py,” both syllables bright and clear. 

Tessa holds her daughter tight, kissing the side of her head. The buzz that comes with each new word or achievement rushes through her, amazement, excitement, and a little bit of disbelief. She seems to be doing new things and improving her existing skills all the time now, like if Tessa were to close her eyes for a second she might open them to find a preschooler. “Yes, baby, that's a puppy! Great new word. Would you like to pet him?” 

Tessa demonstrates by stroking Fox’s head, smiling at how soft it feels. Rhiannon puts her hand out then, touching the puppy unsurely at first but then gasping a little, her eyes widening and a huge smile breaking out across her face. 

This is one of Tessa's favourite parts of parenthood - getting to see her daughter experience the world, and through her seeing things from the beginning again, fresh and new and beautiful. When she looks at Scott she thinks that the joy and wonder she feels is written on his face, and that makes her so happy but brings a pang of sadness too. She’s not entirely sure what about it makes her sad, or at least not all the reasons, but she thinks now probably isn’t the right time to try and figure it out. 

Rhiannon whines when Tessa moves towards the couch, obviously displeased at not being able to pet her new friend anymore. “We’re just going to sit down, honey. You can still pet the puppy.”

Scott joins them on the couch, setting Fox and his blanket on the middle cushion. Rhiannon is already halfway out of Tessa’s lap the second he puts him down, any apprehension about being in a new place long gone. 

“I think it’s safe to say she likes him,” Scott says, laughing a little. 

“She certainly does.” Rhiannon is babbling away, clearly excited, her hands waving from side to side. “Even more than she liked the boxes her Christmas presents came in.” She’d spent most of the morning of the 25th fitting herself into boxes and stuffing wrapping paper in beside her, giggling at the rustling sounds and the pretty colours. 

“You’ve had a good holiday?” When she nods he reclines in his seat, looking like he’s settling in. “What all have you two been getting up to?”

Tessa pushes her hair behind her ear, now almost used to the length after the two inches she’d had taken off just before Christmas. “I’ve probably told you most of it already.” She doesn’t want to bore him, especially when most of it is probably only exciting and noteworthy to her and her baby, and maybe her baby’s grandmas. 

“It’s different in person,” he tells her simply, eyes interested and sincere. Back when they were kids he wasn’t always the best listener, but now he listens in a way that no one else quite seems to, like it’s all he wants to hear.

So, she starts to share all that she and Rhiannon have been doing since they last saw him. 

** _31st of December, 2015_ **

After he shows her around the house again and they drop her overnight bag in the spare room, Scott gets called over to talk to some of his buddies. Tessa isn’t disappointed, it’s what she’d been expecting. Everyone is here to see him and the new house, he has to try and spend time with as many people as he can. It's not like she's his girlfriend and should share host duties. And even if she were, she doesn't think they’d be one of those couples who stay glued to each other at parties, they’d be happy to do their own thing. Not that she's been thinking about it much lately. 

(Except maybe she has. A little. Ever since that night in Scotland when their eyes met, and then after they'd returned and he’d come to tell her that things had ended with Kaitlyn. His eyes hadn't met hers that day in her kitchen. But then they went to skate at CNE and got back to their normal of being two best friends who skated to songs about oral sex.) 

As soon as she enters the kitchen Scott’s cousins are calling her over. Cara asks how her holidays have been while Sheri mixes her a drink - vodka and diet coke, her spur of the moment choice at the first Ilderton party she’d been invited to. Back then she’d come up with it because she thought it made her seem grown up and it wasn’t full fat, now it’s somehow become a signature here and only here. If they were anywhere else Sheri would probably get her wine or a cocktail, drinks that Tessa would objectively enjoy more, but in this town nothing else would feel right, teenage insecurities and dreams with an appropriately fizzy but bitter taste.

She’s allowed one sip before Cara says, “So, the comeback,” with a raised eyebrow and a hand on her hip. 

“It's the right decision. We’d always wonder if we didn't and we both want it.” They're not going to change their minds.

“I know that,” she says simply. “It's going to be hard, but you know that already, you don't need me to tell you.”

“A good hard though.” It surprises her how much she misses the tougher things.

“Even if you don't win?” Cara asks, her voice quieter than usual, especially considering the noise around them. 

“Even then.” It will be worth it either way. It has to be. 

Cara nods, though she doesn't look entirely at ease, and then Sheri pipes up. “Scott is single.” Tessa tries not to start coughing. “And you’re single too.”

This isn't a conversation she really wants to have. “This is true.” The last time the three of them had discussed this side to their relationship must have been another kitchen, another party.

Both of Scott's cousins roll their eyes at her. “That hasn't happened for a while,” Sheri adds, like she's prompting Tessa to continue.

“It hasn't.” Not for years, and they’d started fooling around a lot sooner after their respective breakups then. Though back then lines had blurred while they were still seeing others, one of the things she absolutely will not repeat this time. 

Sheri still looks like she's waiting for an answer. “Nothing's happened.” The words blurt out of Tessa as defensively as they would have as a teenager and it makes her wonder if this party is drawing her back. Or sometimes the holidays just have that effect. 

“No one suggested that something had.” Cara is doing well to keep most of the amusement out of her voice.

“It would be a bad idea.” There's obviously a question lurking behind the slightly pleading statement. 

“Do you want something to happen?” Sheri asks, sounding just curious, not leading or judgemental.

Tessa doesn't know how to begin to answer that question. She loves Scott, she thinks she always will. It's written on and in her body, indelible but still changing and evolving as they do. She loves him for who he was and who he is and who he could be. She loves the way their bodies fit in all they do together (and it feels like such a very long time since they've experienced some of those). But she doesn't know if they should be together, not right now. 

The findings are inconclusive on whether they skate better or worse when they're the furthest from platonic and this is such a big step for them, they can't afford to mess it up. And then there's the part of her that's always thought if they really made a go of things that that would be it, all or nothing. Tessa certainly isn't prepared to have nothing of him, not ever, and she's not sure she's ready for a forever either. 

But he’s Scott, and they're both single, and what if this is their only shot? 

“It's complicated,” is the only answer she can come up with and it's one Sheri and Cara accept with no further questions. They just refill her glass and take her to the makeshift dancefloor in the living room which, bar some breaks for the bathroom and refreshments, is where she remains until about ten to twelve. 

Then Scott comes to get her, bottle of Roederer Cristal and two glasses in hand, and guides her outside where it's just the two of them.

** _31st of December, 2025_ **

Rhiannon starts to doze off after about an hour in Scott's house. Tessa considers trying to keep her awake because she really wants her to have a long nap on the drive to the cottage later, but she'd had an unusually restless night and had exhausted herself with the excitement of meeting Fox. They really should use this opportunity to talk about work-related matters in peace, but telling Scott about her love/hate relationship with the maracas Rhiannon is enchanted with and listening to him talk about how big all his nieces and nephews are getting is so much more appealing. 

It's so easy and relaxed and it comes as a surprise when he asks about how their recent meet up with Henry had gone. It's not that it's an intrusive, or even an unwanted, enquiry, she just hadn't been expecting it. She's not sure why. 

“It was okay,” is all she says at first, reaching out to run her fingers through Rhiannon’s soft dark hair. “Good, I guess.” They’d met in a quiet Toronto restaurant a week before Christmas when he’d been over on a business trip. “He asked questions about how she's doing and gave her a present, and brought a bunch more from her grandma, Denise.” Scott nods, waiting for the rest of what he knows she has to say. “I just… he never seems genuinely interested. He doesn't interact with her much at all, which, yeah, he said he didn't want kids and doesn't know how to act around them, but if it's just a tick the box exercise so he can feel involved or responsible or whatever we could do that over the phone or email.” She has to take a deep breath when she's finished. Her hands are slightly clenched and she feels more irritated than she realised she still was about it all. “Sorry, is that unfair of me?” 

“Not unfair,” he says quickly, “but could it be that he's nervous and doesn't know how to interact with her and that's why he comes across detached?”

It's a fair and insightful question, the same one her mom and Jordan had asked. “I really don't think so. He was really at ease.” They'd been together for nine months before she got pregnant, she knows his nervous tells. “It was like she was just _ there _for him. Like a doll or something as opposed to her own person.” At one point, when Rhiannon had been fussing a little, he even frowned at her like she was being a nuisance. 

There's a slight furrow between Scott's eyebrows and his mouth is in a straightish line. “That sounds like it would be weird for you.”

“Yeah. And it had to be for her too.” Tessa looks down to where her daughter is sleeping in between them. “And it makes me wonder if I'm being a shitty mom for agreeing to these twice a year visits or whatever he wants to call them.” 

Scott reaches over and takes her hand, less sure than he usually is with the action, but sounding so sure in the words he says. “You’re not a shitty mom. You want Rhiannon to be able to know her dad, and for him to know her.” 

“But what if that’s not the right thing for her? Seeing him and him not being engaged.” That hour and a half in the restaurant had seemed interminable.

“Maybe things will get a bit easier when she’s older and he might feel like he can talk to her more.” He squeezes her hand. “And if you don’t feel like they’re the right thing you can explain that, and hopefully he’ll understand.”

She shifts in her seat, feeling a little guilty for how she might be seeing and expecting the worst from Henry. “I do try and see it from his point of view, and I know I’m biased. It’s not that… It’s not like I expect him to magically want kids now that she’s here. But I guess I thought he’d be more involved for the short space of time he is with her.” Rhiannon’s denim dress looks like it’s lying uncomfortably so she quickly adjusts it. “I think she’s pretty amazing.”

“I think so too.” It doesn’t sound like a platitude, it sounds like he means it. 

It makes her want to be completely honest with him. “And I guess there was, or is, a part of me that thought that once he knew her he might want to be more involved. Not even sharing custody or anything, just… more contact than this.” It had been so confusing when she told him she was pregnant because he hadn’t said no straight away, and there’d been a week where she’d let herself fantasise a little about how they were going to be a family. Looking back now she knows it had been more the idea of a family she had longed for than necessarily the three of them, but it had been nice all the same. “Maybe it’s because I never knew whether I wanted kids or not, I just knew I wanted this kid.” 

Scott’s quiet for a moment before he says, “I never knew whether I should ask about that or not, back when you told me.” His voice is gentle, like he’s afraid of breaking something.

“I wouldn’t have known how to tell you, I didn’t even know how to tell you I was pregnant. I felt so _ guilty_.” Bile rises in her stomach as the feeling returns. “The last real, deep conversation that we had in person was about how you and Lisa were still struggling and then I had to tell you that I had got pregnant without even trying or planning and decided to continue with the pregnancy because… it just felt right? It seemed so unfair.” She deliberately doesn’t look at his now bare ring finger. “It still doesn’t feel fair.” 

“To tell you the whole truth, it didn’t seem fair to me when you told me either.” This doesn’t surprise her, it couldn’t, but it does make her think about how good a job he’d done of concealing that. “And then I felt like the worst person ever because you had this big, wonderful, exciting new step to take and I was letting my own stuff get in the way of being happy for you.”

“So we both felt like shit,” she concludes, leading him to burst out laughing. She joins in, unable not to, until Rhiannon starts moving about, letting out the little huffs she always makes before she wakes, and they both quiet in response. 

“Did you have a good sleep, baby?” she asks, Rhiannon burrowing in as soon as she picks her up. After she rubs circles down her back Tessa feels a diaper that needs to be changed. When she stands up to get the changing bag Scott is already directing her down to the spare bedroom before she has to ask. 

Rhiannon wakes up properly then, especially after a few raspberries on her belly which always make her laugh. It's such a big sound for a little person and it never fails to give Tessa joy. Rhiannon is still giggling as they make their way back to the living room, probably because she's listening to Tessa try and sing some of those nursery rhymes she likes so much. The words are fine, the melodies more of a struggle. At least Rhiannon hasn't put her hand over her mouth yet, like Jordan’s son Mark had on a few occasions. 

Scott is standing at the bay window and she knows at once from his posture that he's stressed about something. He turns on hearing them and points out the window, a deep frown on his face. “It's looking really bad out there, Tess. A tonne of snow fell and it's looking like ice rain.” 

“Fu… fudge.” The difference from when they arrived is almost unbelievable, nothing like the weather report she had read last night. There must be at least an extra five inches lying on the ground, but it's so hard to tell with the vicious swirls still falling. “I can't drive in that.” She doesn't think she's ever attempted to in such poor visibility, she’d never risk it now with Rhiannon. 

Scott relaxes just a fraction. “You can stay here of course. I know it won't be New Year's with your family but…”

It won't be the first time she's welcomed the new year in this house. “Thank you. Are you planning on having people over or…”

“I was going to go to my parents’ but I wouldn't be going anyway with it looking like this.” He pats the side of his jeans, in organiser mode now. “I have a high chair from when I was babysitting Danny's youngest last week, no crib though.”

Rhiannon reaches out to the window, pressing her palm against it. “There's a lot of snow, isn't there, darling?” Tessa turns her head towards Scott. “I have my travel one and everything else we’ll need in the trunk.” It's just a matter of getting to it, she doesn't particularly want to walk out even that short distance.

“I'll go get it now,” he says easily. “No point waiting to see whether it will improve judging by the new forecast and it's only going to get darker.” 

She thanks him again, more profusely, before going over to fetch her phone so she can call her mom. Rhiannon rummages through the bag at the same time until she presents her with her current favourite book. 

“Mama is going to phone Nana now, we’ll read _ Guess How Much I Love You? _straight after, okay?” 

This doesn't go down well. “Book,” Rhiannon insists, pushing it into her hands. 

“After we talk to Nana,” Tessa promises, but for once this doesn't seem to excite her daughter, Rhiannon's eyes only growing stormier and her bottom lip starting to wobble. 

Scott clears his throat, murmuring “Can I?” as he crouches down beside them. She nods immediately, she’ll take any help she can get, especially now she's seen the three missed calls from her mom who must be worrying. “Rhiannon, will we read together while Mama is on the phone? I love this book.”

“Scott is a great reader,” Tessa says, nodding for extra emphasis. 

Rhiannon seems very amenable to this, handing the book to Scott and patting the spot on the carpet next to her to indicate where he should sit. As he unwinds his legs Tessa squeezes his arm and kisses her daughter on the forehead before she goes back over to the window to call her mom.

It's a short phone call, Kate relieved to hear they're still at Scott's. She and Jordan's family are going to hunker down in the cottage. “It's a pity you were the one bringing the fancy champagne,” her mom jokes. It reminds Tessa to ask Scott to bring it in from the car. At least now she has a thank you gift for him putting them up for the night. 

Her attention keeps drifting over to the other side of the room where Scott is reading aloud with even more gusto than Tessa usually gives the story, Rhiannon looking up him completely enraptured. It tugs at her heart, making her think of things she shouldn't be thinking about. It tugs at other parts of her too, the wave of desire tasting a tad unseemly while she’s talking to her mother and he’s reading to her daughter. Her mom has to say her name twice before she says goodbye, remarking how nice it will be for Tessa and Scott to have some prolonged time together. 

It will be, but it will have its tricky moments too. It's easier to ignore how she feels about Scott when he's not so close for so long, when she doesn't see him like this with her daughter. She doesn't want to compare how he interacts with her to how Henry did, it's not fair to anyone, but it's hard not to when she was just talking about it earlier. 

Tessa has never imagined what life would be like if Henry wasn't Rhiannon's father. That way she wouldn't be her Rhiannon. But even though it makes her insides prick and churn she can't deny that when Scott had visited them for the first time after Rhiannon was born she'd wished, for maybe just a second, that he could have been her dad. She knows it was down to being exhausted and aching and overwhelmed, but it still makes her feel horrible, has even more so since finding out from Cara later that the reason it had taken him a few days to make the trip from Toronto to London was because of an unsuccessful IVF attempt. It feels even worse somehow after the divorce. 

She tries to chase those thoughts out of her head and goes to join them. 

** _31st of December, 2015_ **

It’s cold outside, so much colder than inside where all the people and central heating are. Tessa wraps her leather jacket tight to her body and pouts at Scott while he struggles to pop the champagne. “Are you sure you want to do this outside?”

They both jump when he manages it, the frothy liquid streaming down the neck of the bottle as they do their best to capture it all in the glasses. She’s laughing so much then that the cold doesn’t bother her as much already. “I figured it was quieter out here, but if you’re too cold we can go back in?”

“No, this is nice.” It is quieter, and it feels like there’s more air to breathe out here in the open. It’s a clear night, the sky and its stars seeming to stretch out as far as she can see. 

Scott hasn’t drunk from his glass yet, he’s just twirling it around in his hand. It feels rude to take a sip before he does seeing as it was a gift for him. “I thought we could ring in the new year just the two of us?”

“Yeah?” She steps closer without really thinking about it. “But it’s your party.” 

“Yeah.” Scott sounds a little surer now. “It’s going to be our 2016 though, and 2017 and 2018. The don’t-call-it-a-comeback is for us, so, I guess I wanted us to have a chance to welcome it in?” 

She clinks her glass against his. “I like the sound of that.” They both lift their glasses and then taste the champagne. It’s just as good as the slightly snooty guy in the upmarket store in Toronto had promised, silky and fruity and light as air. 

“You tired of listening to everyone else’s opinions on that too?” Scott leans back against the fence around the porch.

She takes a larger sip. “We told them months ago, I don’t know why they have so many questions now.”

He shrugs. “I guess it’s getting real for them now too. And it’s the holidays, right before the new year, people take stock.” She knows he’s right, and just about manages not to grumble out loud that people should take stock of their own lives and leave her and Scott out of it. He frowns, “Has anyone been bothering you about it tonight?”

“No. Cara did mention it, but that was fine.” 

Scott refills his own glass and then holds the bottle towards hers, raising his eyebrows. She nods and he pours it full, almost to the brim. “Did, uh, she or Sheri mention anything else about us?”

Tessa takes a gulp of expensive and excellent champagne that should not be gulped. “Like what?” She’s never really mastered the art of false nonchalance. 

He bites his lip like he’s trying not to laugh. “I’m going to take that as a yes then.” He scuffs his heel against the wood behind him and she wants to tell him to stop, not to ruin the good leather. He’s usually so particular. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She takes another drink. Talking about it now seems like a bad idea with champagne and stars and the way he looks at her like he never wants to stop. She’d say something ridiculous and overwrought and she doesn’t want to be either of those things, especially not with so much hanging in the balance. “Not really?”

“Do you want to go back in?” he asks, understanding, not annoyed. 

“No,” she says before he’s barely finished speaking. “I want to stay out here with you.” 

“Okay.” He smiles, more to himself than to her. “More wine?” Her glass very much needs to be refilled. “Back to holiday things, how much did Kate spoil her only grandchild this year?”

They spend the next few minutes talking about how excited their nieces and nephews were for Santa, and reminiscing on their own gifts from when they were little. When they hear people shouting about the countdown inside she takes his hand and steps closer, right into his space. As everyone shouts down from ten, they just look into each other’s eyes and she knows what’s going to happen next.

Their faces draw nearer and just as the clock turns twelve her lips meet his. It feels good, feels better than good, it always does. She’s missed his lips, always that bit chapped from the time he spends in cold rinks, she’s missed how they feel and move with hers. She wonders how many other girls have taken the time to catalogue exactly how much fuller his bottom lip is than his top and how much he likes it when she bites down on it just the tiniest bit. But soon she stops wondering about anyone else and just tastes his matching champagne drenched tongue on hers and feels his hair with her right hand and his arm with her left and his shirt pressed up against her jacket, her zipper hitting off his buttons. She gasps a little when he tugs her hair, her hips grinding down on his as if her body is three steps ahead of her mind.

Scott takes his lips from her and puts them at her ear. “Is this okay?”

“Yes, but…” She doesn’t want to get too carried away. “I don’t want to do too much not thinking.”

He laughs, happy and a little dirty. “How much not thinking is good for you?”

She wants to go upstairs with him. But the last time they’d slept together had ended in a fight which had lingered longer than any other fight they ever had, up until Worlds in London. Tessa doesn’t want fights or misunderstandings because they rushed into something, she wants things clear which is something they’ll never achieve when their heads are so cloudy. “Can we just kiss some more and talk about all of this in the morning?” 

He kisses her cheek first and then agrees, telling her he’d been thinking the exact same thing. And then their lips join again and again until the temperature drops and they go back inside, his hand in hers and her lipstick all around his mouth. 

** _31st of December, 2025_ **

Tessa is lying along the bottom of the bed in Scott's downstairs spare room, watching Rhiannon below her as she sleeps in her crib. She should be down for good now, she'd already been dozing on Tessa's chest in the living room, but getting up feels like a potentially noisy risk. And it's nice to watch her at rest, to get to take her in, she's such a busy little thing now. She'd spent most of the afternoon rushing around ‘playing’ with Fox or getting Scott or Tessa to dance or sing with her. 

Tessa chooses some of the photos she’d taken of Rhiannon with Fox to send to her mom and Denise. Her finger hovers over the ones she’d taken of Rhiannon with Scott. Denise knows where they’re staying tonight after she’d texted to ask if they’d been affected by the heavy snow, and she obviously knows that Scott is an important part of Tessa’s life, but Tessa isn’t quite sure if it seems fair to send her pictures of Rhiannon playing with a man who isn’t her dad. She still hasn’t figured out yet exactly how Denise feels about Henry’s level of involvement in Rhiannon’s life, especially when she herself is so taken with her. On the other hand, she does know that Denise is quite a big Scott Moir fan. Just about the first thing she’d said to her after Henry had introduced them, straight after telling her she was even prettier in person, was that she thought Scott was “so handsome, and such a _ nice _ young man.” It was no wonder they got on so well. She adds one photo with Scott to the mix and then gingerly rises from the bed, checking to make sure Rhiannon has her bunny close at hand before tiptoeing out.

Scott’s flicking through the channels but he turns off the tv when she enters the room. “Hey, did she go down okay?” 

“No bother. She’s been fine in any new places we’ve been, but I like to stay with her a little bit longer those nights.” The first time they’d stayed in a hotel Tessa had debated getting into the crib with her, but that hadn’t been necessary.

He stands up. “Do you want a glass of wine? Anything to eat?”

Dinner had been a ridiculous amount of delicious finger food that Scott had been planning to bring to his parents’, she couldn’t eat anything more. “We could open the Perrier-Jouët Belle Epoque?”

“Tess, you bought that to have with your family tonight, it’s a special kind of wine, are you sure you don’t want to save it?” 

The rosé champagne is a special wine, and Scott seems like an eminently suitable person to drink it with. “We should share it, as long as you let me keep the bottle.” It’s gorgeous, decorated with illustrations of delicate flowers.

“That I can do.” 

She goes to help him when he stands up but he tells her to sit back down and relax. She takes out her phone for something to do, she’s not quite sure she wants to be alone with her thoughts right now. It feels maybe too nice to sit down with him like this after putting her baby to bed, like something it would be all too easy to get used to, to want. 

He comes back in holding the already opened bottle and two glasses. “You didn’t want me to see you struggle with that?” she teases.

“I should have let you come in, I managed it first time for once and no one was there.” He hands one of the glasses to her and fills hers and then his own.

“A likely story.” She waits until he’s sitting back down beside her to raise her glass. “To the new year.”

“And to putting this one behind us,” he adds before they both take their first sip. It’s floral and fruity and fun and it feels right to share it with him.

Tessa puts her hand on his knee. “It’s been a tough year.”

He nods, staring into his wine glass before looking back up at her. “I think I knew it was over this time last year, I think we both knew, we spent the holidays apart, but… We hadn’t said it out loud.” 

She had known when he and Lisa had decided to end their marriage when his visits to her and Rhiannon started to pick up. “It becomes real then.” 

“We didn’t split up because we couldn’t conceive.” It could be a random statement to make, but it doesn’t feel that way, it feels important for him to tell her.

“I know,” she says, because she does even though it’s never been mentioned. “That’s not who you are, or who Lisa is, from what I could tell.” They’d got on so well at the start, better than she had with just about any of Scott’s other girlfriends, which had made it harder towards the end when she could tell Lisa had soured on her.

He inches a little closer to her. “We couldn’t handle the hard stuff together, not in the right way. Even if we’d tried another round and it had worked, or we’d gone with fostering or adoption, there would just have been more hard times where we wouldn’t have been good for each other, or for any kids.” His voice gets more wistful, less certain. “We were so good together for the easy parts, but you need to be with someone who you can be good for during the hard parts.” 

“You do.” She leaves her hand resting on his knee. 

“It’s better this way. I never wanted a divorce, and I wouldn't recommend it as an experience, but it is better this way.” He starts to smile. “Lisa’s seeing someone, so that’s good.”

“It is.” Tessa thinks about her a lot, more than she’d expected to when she wasn’t seeing her at all anymore, and hadn’t been seeing all that much of her before what with living in Vancouver and then returning home pregnant and awkward about that when it came to Lisa and Scott. 

“He’s the dad of one of the kids in her class, it kind of sounds like something from a movie.” Scott would like a story like that.

“And what about you, are you seeing anyone?” To her ears it sounds a lot less casual than what she’d been intending, and it has her reaching for the wine bottle. 

He doesn’t say anything until the silence begins to become painful, something that hasn’t happened between them in the longest time. “No,” is all he says in the end, which is something he definitely could have come out with straight away. 

She looks at him over the rim of her glass. “You have more to say than that, but you’re not sure if you should say it.” 

He folds an arm over his chest and she has to laugh at his put out expression. “How do you know that?”

“I know you.” It’s intonation, not intent, that makes it sound achingly close to something else. 

Scott rubs his eyes and opens his mouth before closing it again. “I don’t want to say anything that would make you feel bad or make you uncomfortable.”

“I know that. I know you,” she repeats.

He rubs at his eyes again. “I want to make it very clear that I do not think, and Lisa or anyone else does not think, that you had anything to do with the end of my marriage.”

“Well, good,” she says, her voice close to squeaking. Tessa has had quite enough of being accused of ending people’s marriages for one lifetime. 

“It’s just that… Towards the end, my feelings for you kept getting dragged into fights, into things that had nothing to do with them. Like, we could be talking about how I hadn’t remembered the right bin to put out that week and she had washed the towels at too high a temperature and all of a sudden you were mentioned?”

Her body feels stiff like she’s frozen, her heart right up in her throat. “What feelings?” She thinks she might know, or wants to, but she needs to be sure.

He rolls his head to the left, eyes widening up and all he says is “_Tess_,” as if that’s the full story, and maybe in a way it is. 

She puts her wine glass down and goes up on to her knees right beside him, one hand curving around his cheek. The moment rests for a second before she lays her lips on his. It’s part muscle memory, part exploration as they find each other again, her teeth gentle on his lower lip and his hands gentle but firm at her hips before one travels up her back and the other lower. She swings her right leg over his and and then settles down on his lap, lips never leaving his. A part of her thinks they should really stop and think or talk, but it’s been ten years and she wants this, wants him. 

“How much not thinking are you good with?” he asks, or pants really. It takes her a few seconds to realise he’s thinking about back then too, but she can’t really be blamed for that when she can feel him straining against her through her thick leggings and his jeans and all they’ve done is kiss. 

“All the not thinking,” she tells him, and just like that he’s lifting her up. “I can still fool around on couches, you know, I’m not decrepit.” Though she would prefer a bed, or at least not the couch his puppy slept on earlier.

“I want to do this right,” he says, kissing down her neck and tugging at her sweater as he walks them towards the stairs. He stops abruptly. “Will you still be able to hear Rhiannon from my room? Do you want to stay down here?” 

Somehow mentioning her daughter is the sexiest thing he could have done. “As long as we keep the doors open it will be fine. And stay quiet.” 

“_I _never had a problem with that,” he says, hand squeezing her ass as he takes them upstairs. 

“I can be quiet!” She just never usually had to be, but things are different now and she’s very okay with that so far.

It’s a hurried, slightly desperate pulling off of clothes once they get to his room until she puts her fingers on his hands as they go to the waistband of her leggings and they still immediately. “I just wanted to warn you that I haven’t shaved.” It’s winter and it’s further down her priorities list. She’s done a little dating now that Rhiannon’s a bit older but not so much recently, and she’d only slept with one guy, which had been fine and needed but far from earth shattering. 

He buries his head into her neck. “Tess, baby, I can’t think of a nicer way of putting this right now, but I don’t care.”

She rubs her legs together and helps him pull down her leggings and underwear in one swoop, glad to see they’re at least nice ones even if they don’t match her bra. “That was perfect.”

“You’re perfect,” he says as she lies down on his bed in front of him, her hands reaching behind her to rid herself of the green bra. From anyone else it would seem insincere but he says it with a wonder she’s known from him almost all her life and he looks at her with it in his eyes and it feels real and true. 

And when she pulls him down on top of her so that she can kiss him and touch him it feels more real and true and wonderful still. Time moves too fast and not fast enough as he mouths at her breasts and she touches his chest, his back, his ass. And then he has two fingers inside her because he can feel how wet she is and he still knows how to read what she wants and he’s kissing her all along her upper thighs and pubic bone until he finally sucks on her clit. She has to bite her hand to stop herself from crying out and he’s quieter than she’s ever heard him too because he doesn’t say anything until after he takes his tongue from inside her, licking around his fingers and returning to her clit, a third finger filling the emptiness left by his tongue, saying, “I’ve missed your cunt.” She comes then, all around his fingers and his mouth and she tastes herself there when she kisses him after.

He hadn’t taken off his boxers during all of that and it’s over them that she first licks him, long and with her teeth following while her hands works him at the base. “Do you have a condom?” she asks. “For after this.” 

“I think this is an either or unless you want to wait a while,” Scott says, sounding more amused than embarrassed thankfully.

“I did not sleep much last night so it’s definitely just one of those if there’s any chance of me resting afterwards. This is the only way you would have managed to keep me up this close to midnight.”

He laughs. “You don’t like talking to me that much?”

She stands up so that she can kiss him. “I love talking to you. Now, do you want me to blow you or do you want to be inside me?”

He laughs again, louder this time. “Either would be amazing.” His hands trace down her curves, thumbs arching into her skin. “What do you want?” 

“You choose.” She’s already come. 

Tessa can tell he’s about to protest again so she kisses him firmly until he whispers, “Inside you,” and she pushes him away reluctantly so he can go get the condom. 

Thoughts start to race in her brain about whether they should talk about what this might mean or what happens next but she hears him swearing to himself in the bathroom and something falling to the ground and then she sees him with his hair mussed like he’s been pulling at it and this sheepish grin on his face, condoms in hand. She’s fond and enamoured and very much wants to be fucked, and it’s a heady mixture that she’s never quite felt like this before. 

She walks over and kisses him, wants to burn this memory into her brain and into her body. His boxers are on the ground and the condom securely on before her legs hit his bed and by the time she’s laying down he’s half inside her. She links her legs around his hips, drawing him in as tightly as she can, and when he bottoms out there are stars in her eyes and all around. It could be the champagne, she could try and convince herself of that, but it’s not, it’s him, it’s them. “Tessa,” he says, her full name for once with wonder and awe, and it sounds brilliant and beautiful and new. 

They kiss constantly, their effort to keep quiet, and his hands feel like they’re everywhere, her ass, her breasts, her hair. Tessa has been touched by men who held her body with too much reverence and some with not enough for too long, Scott included sometimes, but no one else has seemed to get the balance of what she wants like he’s doing now. 

She’d known this would end sooner than they’d both probably want and she soothes him when he tries to apologise. It’s no disappointment when she comes first and him after, wetness gushing down her thighs and onto his sheets. He falls into her a little, his weight welcome, and when he says something about getting up to clean them off she holds him to her and says, “Stay a while.” She can’t remember if she hadn’t been confident enough to ask before, or if it just would have been too much. 

So they stay and kiss and it is both sticky and sweet.

** _1st of January, 2016_ **

Tessa wakes up with a headache and a much too sweet taste in her mouth. She’s about to blame the champagne, but then she remembers the vodka and diet cokes before, and the tequila shots that came after. After some vigorous tooth brushing and two Advil she makes her way downstairs. A part of her wants to ostrich things out some more and stick her head under the covers but it would only delay an inevitable conversation that needs to be had.

Scott’s already in the kitchen, his bleary eyes matching hers. “Sore head?” He offers her a packet of painkillers when she nods.

“Thanks, but I brought some from home.” Jordan had actually handed them to her on her way out the door and she probably wasn’t suitably thankful then. 

Scott hits the salt and pepper shakers, a gift from his aunt Carol that are shaped like skates, off one another. “You ready for some breakfast? Pancakes or French toast?” 

There’s an awkwardness between them now that hasn’t been there for months and she wants to rid them of it so she bites the bullet. “I think we should talk first.” 

He sits back in his chair, hands in his lap now. “You’re right. So, last night…”

“Was great,” she says, meaning it completely. 

He looks up from his hands to her, wry smile on his face. “Yes, but…”

She doesn’t want to be the one to say it, and she gets why he doesn’t either. But maybe it would be a good thing to be the one to put their point across, there’s a part of her that thinks she’d go along with anything he did say. Just as she’s about to start he says, “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you.” 

“I know. It’s the same for me.” She wants, but she doesn’t know in what exact way for now. 

“We could be good together now, I, I think we could be really good together.” He rubs his hands down his old tracksuit bottoms, ones she thinks she’s worn. 

Her eyes are starting to sting and she really doesn’t want to cry. “I think that too.”

“But… we have a lot to do these next few years.” 

“The Olympics.” It sounds like a swear, in both meanings of the word.

“Yeah. I want to see you in PyeongChang with that gold medal around your neck.” He takes a breath, “And it’s not just what it would mean for our skating if things didn’t work out, but for us too. I can’t…” He’s fighting tears now and it makes hers appear. “I can’t lose you.” 

She intends to take his hand, but she ends up hugging him and then sitting in his lap, trying to be close when they’re deciding to stay further away. “You won’t. It’s never going to happen.” Her own fierceness takes her aback. 

“Thank you.” He strokes his arm down her back. “And this doesn’t mean nothing will ever happen later, maybe… in a few years…”

“We’ll see.” She doesn’t want to hope too much, but she can’t help but hope a little. 

“Yeah.” He kisses the side of her head. “I love you, Tess.” 

“I love you, too.” They rest together for a minute and all she can hear is the kitchen clock.

“So, pancakes or French toast?”

She laughs and gets up out of his lap, telling him that she’d like French toast and sitting back down to watch him make it. They talk about the party and their next trip to Montréal while she experiences a strange ebb and flow of disappointment and relief.

** _1st of January, 2026_ **

Tessa wakes up in Scott’s bed wearing one of his t-shirts with his arm around her waist. She hadn’t wanted to leave after they slept together last night but now that’s it’s nearly morning she thinks she’d prefer to be downstairs. It’s Rhiannon’s first night in this house and she doesn’t want her to wake up alone and wonder where her mama is. She carefully lifts Scott’s arm and then takes a moment to look at him, so handsome at rest, before tiptoeing down the stairs. 

The champagne’s scent catches her in the hall and she quickly puts the cork back in and returns it to the fridge to try and preserve it for tomorrow before draining both their glasses because it was a gorgeous and expensive wine and it should not go to waste. She checks on Fox while she’s in the kitchen, who’s happily asleep in his crate, one of his floppy ears drifting over his eyes. 

Her baby is asleep too, bunny held tight. Tessa fights her urge to lift her up. Last New Year’s Eve and morning had been spent with Rhiannon in her arms, and the year before that she’d been carrying her but hadn’t known it yet. That had been a funny sort of holiday at home when she’d been wondering whether she’d be returning for good or staying out in Vancouver and growing the business from that side of the country. The answer had been an easy one once she found out she was pregnant.

Tessa manages to get in an hour or two more of sleep before she wakes up to the lovely sound of babbling. Rhiannon starts standing up in her travel crib as soon as Tessa rises, a beautiful big smile on her face and her arms open wide. “Mama!”

“Good morning, my sweet girl.” Tessa presses kisses all over her face while her baby giggles. “Happy new year, Rhiannon! What new things are you going to show me this year?” Rhiannon gives her a very wet kiss to the cheek, which feels like a pretty great start. “Do you want some cuddle time or are you ready for breakfast?” Rhiannon’s stomach gurgles as if on cue and she pats it like she’s telling it to be quiet. Tessa rubs their noses together, laughing as she does so. “We’d better feed my growing girl.”

After a quick diaper change, they go to the kitchen. Tessa settles Rhiannon in the high chair with a board book before pouring out some of the cereal she’d brought. She’d kept Rhiannon in her sleepsuit because she was so cute and cosy and because now that her daughter has become so determined to feed herself breakfast is more of a messy affair. Her coordination is definitely improving (impressively so, Tessa thinks), but a large amount of cereal or oatmeal or eggs is still liable to end up on Rhiannon’s clothes rather than in her mouth or even on the high chair table. This morning she’s happy to let Tessa feed her for the first few bites before she starts grabbing for the spoon. She’s making a good job of it so Tessa starts cutting up berries for the next part of her breakfast.

Even if she hadn’t heard him coming down the stairs she thinks she would have known that Scott had arrived from the way Rhiannon shrieks with excitement. Tessa looks up just in time to see her fling some of her cereal on his perfectly clean wall. “I’m sorry!” It will be easy to clean, but it’s not what he’s used to waking up to.

“Don’t worry about it.” He leans down to say hi to her daughter, not seeming to care at all when she wipes her dirty hands on his arm. “Good morning, Rhiannon. Are you having a good breakfast?” 

She presents him with her almost empty bowl and Tessa reaches over for it and the spoon, causing Rhiannon to let out some displeased squawking sounds. “You were doing a fantastic job, baby, but there’s just a little bit left that Mama will get for you and then you can have your berries, okay?” She receives a blunt shake of the head in response but when she directs the spoon to Rhiannon’s mouth she opens wide and licks it clean. 

Scott is at the fridge. “Have you had breakfast already, Tess?” 

“Just some of these berries,” she answers as she transfers them from the chopping board to Rhiannon’s bowl. 

“I have eggs, bacon, sausages… I could make some pancakes?”

“Whatever you want is good. Just, wait one minute?” She hands Rhiannon her fruit and gives her back her book, placing a kiss on top of her head before she goes to join Scott at the stove. 

He’s looking her right in the eye but she can tell that he’s a little nervous. She is too, but she knows what she wants to say and she isn’t going to put it off with any preamble. “I’d like for us to try being together. Properly.” She tugs at the t-shirt of his she’s wearing. “I don’t regret the choice we made last time, and I’m grateful for everything that’s happened since, but… I don’t want to have another moment that I look back on like it was a road we didn’t take and wonder.” This should be scary to say out loud, but he’s smiling at her and it makes it easier, it makes it almost exciting. “And I understand if you’re not ready for a relationship yet, especially a serious one, but… that’s what I think this would have to be because… it’s us, and I’ve thought for a long time that if we really made a go of things it would have to be serious, and I have Rhiannon now too and you’re a part of her life and I want you to be a part of her life so…” Shit, she’d been doing so well and now she doesn’t know what to say next. 

But Scott seems to. “I want that too.” He draws her in closer, his hands somehow both steady and shaking. He holds her like he has so many times before, with love and care and kindness, but there’s a newness now too. “I want to try and be with you for everything, the good and the bad and every single thing in between.” 

“All of it?” Her voice is cracking and he looks like he might cry too. 

“All of it,” he confirms and she smiles so wide that it hurts a little and he does just the same. 

Tessa lifts her head and kisses him, softer and slower than any they’d shared last night. “Happy new year, Scott.”

It feels like the best of beginnings. 


End file.
